Thursday, May 14, 2009

The 3 Gs

I recently posted about the 3 R' my jewelry making. Lately there is another commonality in my life -- so today is a personal post - its about 3 G's that keep coming to my mind lately. They seem to be very recurrent topics in my life....and I decided I need to get them out there, just get them off my chest.

They are:

Gossip, Grudges, and Guilt

The first is one that I think women can all too easily fall into, AND we've probably all been on the giving end and on the receiving end.


I'm sorry to say that I've seen a lot of it first hand over the years and at one time participated in it, sometimes knowingly and then at times without even realizing it. Recently I've being seeing more and more of it again - around me - and I refuse to take part. So, if you ask me something, don't expect to get all the 'dirt' on someone else, or for me to throw someone else under the bus. I'm quite capable of putting myself there (under the bus) but I tend to leave others out of it. And for those who may not realize it - talking about others, when you really have no NEED to - its gossip. . . and repeating what others say, when you don't know the facts - its second hand, and its gossip. And one way or another, gossip hurts. It always does.

The second - Grudges. I learned a long time ago that they aren't healthy. Live and learn and let go. That's my motto. Most of you know that I have a VERY busy life, a very FULL life -- sometimes I joke, if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart. In reality though, my hands, head, and heart are full, far too full to also carry grudges. They take up too much space and energy. So if you ever think I might hold something against you (or am holding something against you), let it go. Or just ask me, in private, and we can talk. :)

The third - Guilt. This one still trips me up. I have a hard time with this one. I carry far too much of it. I'm not a perfectionist, but it almost feels like I am in some way. As if every unfinsihed thing is a failure, or change of mind, or less than ideal choice or decision or any other perceived variance from hmm....from what? I guess from what I have deemed in my head is 'right'....or 'ideal'. So its odd that I was responding to someone else earlier that we live in an imperfect world. Things are going to go wrong. . . are going to deviate from what we desire or need, or say or do.. things are going to go off course, I'm going to go off course. Maybe that's just a reality of life. So maybe I need to adjust how I deal with it, how I I let it affect me. Its so easy for me to let go when it comes to others, to extend yet another "G" - Grace. But I seem to be in short supply of it when it comes to my own issues, shortcomings, faults, mistakes.

Anyone else?

I need to practice being gentler on myself. Extend the same grace that I so enjoy being able to extend to others.

If you're in the same boat - at all, even just a little ---

Give yourself a break today.

Or if you see someone else struggling - have some compassion, extend some grace.

Walk alongside them if you can.....and don't gossip, or hold grudges, and really, TRY to let go of the guilt - its not productive.

And life is far too short.



  1. Hi Janice,
    You're a normal, American woman. We all take on too much, and we all assign guilt to ourselves when something doesn't work out according to plan. You've got to let go of it. I'll admit, I'm a planner- and a list maker. But there's only so much you can do to plan for the unexpected. You've got to let go of that guilt and move on. You're a stronger woman than you think you are! We all are! Chin up, and power forward! :)


  2. Guilt...I thought that came part and parcel with motherhood. That's where I am always feeling guilty. No matter what, I always feel what a rotten mom I am poor children...look at all other moms...they are so much better than me in everything. Then I talk about it with my friends and sisters...and they feel the same about themselves.

  3. I try hard not to gossip and carry grudges...the guilt thing is what gets me as well.....Thanks for this made me think :)

  4. This is a damned good post. You are a lady worth knowing.

    I tend to categorize gossip vs. discussion-of-others with the same distinction as smut vs. erotica: One potentially has a redeeming social value and serves a purpose, the other does not. :)

  5. Thanks Amanda, Swati, Melissa, and Arcadian!

    Its nice to know I'm not alone, I wonder though - how do we make shifts in ourselves that result in 'tangible' differences in our lives? Is it one of those 'phase' things - and we just live through it and then move on? What I mean is, do you go through periods where you tend to be more 'guilt-ful'? And if so, why is that? Do you think its hormonal!!??

    I know one thing for me, I tend to take on too much. I'm fiercly independent and rather strong (headed, willed, etc)...but even I have my limits and I've been trying to recognize them more. Not take on too much, not agree to too many things....not set myself up for failure.

    Arcadian - I am going to be contemplating your statement. Its definitely food for thought. You've given me two good munchies to chew on today. Thanks!

  6. Hi Janice,
    thanks for posting about this...
    It's nice to know I'm not the only woman who has these feelings and I agree 100%!!!

    I'm not a grudge holder, thank god, it does take to much energy to be mad at someone forever.. get it out, talk it out and throw it out!!

    I try not to gossip but no one is perfect and like you said sometimes you end up doing it and you don't even realize it...

    Guilt is breed into us I believe..... If you don't do this or that what will people say or do?? right!! but we are human and we need to give ourselves credit where credit is do.. which I know I don't do enough with myself.. so lately I have been trying to look at the positive stuff that I have to offer and the great things about myself.. instead of the negative or stuff that I dislike.. I can't change my nose or smile so why dwell.. (those are just examples, my nose is fine. my smile I hate it)

    so thanks again for making me realize that I'm not alone when I also feel this way about the 3 G's!!!

    have a great day! Sherice