Friday, March 08, 2013

Identity Crisis

It's rather fitting that this post goes live on International Womans Day - It's been far too long since I've posted on a regular basis.

My broken record sounds like :  "There's been a lot going on" and "I'm so busy" etc. And it's the truth, but I'm also going to share something I think a lot of women go through.

Identity Crisis.

And I don't mean that in what I think may be the traditional sense of the phrase. Or maybe it is, I don't know. What I do know is that many women spend most of their lives being someone else.

Ok, maybe not someone else and maybe it's not an identity crisis, maybe its more like Split Personality and all the Cybil's take over the original inner Cybil.

hmmmm, I don't know. Maybe it's just semantics.

Here's the thing though. I think many women wear so many 'hats' and take on so many 'roles' that they lose themselves in the process. I suppose it is seen often most easily recognized as 'empty nest syndrome' when the children go off to begin their adult lives and Mom is no longer "mom" (although of course she IS and always will be, right Moms?)

For me, the roles began young. I had my first child at 21. And I did it on my own. I was a single mom (and have continued to be). At that time I was also an employee and a student. At present I'm a single Mom, a Grandmom, a daughter, n employee, a website host, a blogger, a part time metalsmith, and all the other "roles" that go along with being a Mom. I'm also "head of household" and a home owner - those two things alone are BIG jobs! 

So I guess it's no surprise that sometimes I lose myself. Like I'm a PERSON. I sometimes like to say "I'm just a girl". Despite all those other things that I "am" -- I'm just a girl. And sometimes this girl gets freakin' tired.

And fails to blog. or call her friends, or answer emails or pay the bills (true story), or do a whole host of other things that she 'should'.

And then -- the guilt sets in. And that makes the fatigue worse.

And then, for a period of time, it's just one big huge nasty cycle that feeds off itself like a dog eating its own vomit.

ewww, ok, that was gross.

In any event - I KNOW there are others out there who experience this too. And I want you, whomever you are, to know that I'm not some super crazy awesome over achieving can do it all woman. I'm not. (ok, I may be super crazy and woman, but skip all that stuff in between)

I fail ALL the time. I fail to follow through, I fail to do simple life stuff, I fail to do the good I ought to do.

And I'm not exactly beating myself up over it. I'm stating fact. For me, it helps to state it. I don't normally put my 'issues' out on the blog, I tend towards privacy and keep my mess for my lovely friends (thanks girls), but today one of me apparently felt the need to unburden.

So, I've been getting in bed a little earlier this week, 11 at the latest, and last night I took some time to make an army of 'to do' lists, and today I'm sharing with you all (not because I know misery loves company, but because as women, we need to support one another!)

And I know through all of that, tomorrow will be better.

Regarding International Womens Day -  for those in the US, we need to acknowledge that women in America have it good. Sometimes so much 'good' that we end up with Identity Crisis or split personality.  Yet we don't celebrate this day. I wonder why not? According to the International Women's Day website:

"IWD is now an official holiday in Afghanistan, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Burkina Faso, Cambodia, China (for women only), Cuba, Georgia, Guinea-Bissau, Eritrea, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Laos, Madagascar (for women only), Moldova, Mongolia, Montenegro, Nepal (for women only), Russia, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Uganda, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, Vietnam and Zambia. The tradition sees men honouring their mothers, wives, girlfriends, colleagues, etc with flowers and small gifts. In some countries IWD has the equivalent status of Mother's Day where children give small presents to their mothers and grandmothers."


And yes, we have Mother's Day and Grandparent's Day when women can be honored. But not all women are mothers or grandmothers. And those days again emphasize a ROLE. Why not just honor women for being women?

Or is that like giving every kid a ribbon just because they competed? (and is there anything wrong with that?)

What do you think?