Friday, July 06, 2012

Pivotal Moments vs. Pivotal Momentum

I hope my friends in the states have had a safe and happy holiday ! I stayed in on the fourth, cleaning out the spoils of my fridge and freezer from the most recent power outages due to high winds of a major storm.

But here's a photo from last year!

That was taken at the lakefront, Columbia. My son and I braved the crowds to see the fireworks last year.

This year he was in DE where he saw the fireworks with his sister. :) 

So, back to the topic at hand - pivotal moments....

We all have them.

I've written about this sort of thing before. Moments in time when things shift.....when there is a big 'Ah-HA' moment or sudden clarity or renewal.

but I wonder why sometimes those moments, for me at least, can seem so strong and clear at the time, yet fizzle and fade with little actual change.

Instead of just pivotal moments I want pivotal momentum.

Something that lasts and grows. 

Over the past two weeks I have experienced some serious 'moments'. Moments that have stuck me to the core and significantly impacted my thinking.

I am trying to hand on and keep the spark alive and use it for momentum.

Actual action.

Some of the things are intensely private and can't be written about on a public blog. :) 

And some are simple, but when combined with everything else, have had a huge impact.

Alternately, all of this has also brought about something I've never really experienced before.

Panic.            Attacks.

That might be overstating it. I don't want to minimize true panic attacks. . . a friend of mine has experienced them in a major way and has found herself hundreds of miles from home unable to board her flight back without her husband going to get her.

I have never experienced that level of panic or anxiety. But over the past week or two, I've had moments of acute 'panic', 'anxiety', something.....where my chest hurts and my mind takes flight in a whirlwind of spastic and unfocused chaos (I almost said 'thought' but in that split second there isn't any thought - its just 'wind').

It hurts. It's not pleasant.

It doesn't last long  - thankfully I am able to talk myself out of it pretty fast....but at some point, I feel like I need to really face the thoughts that cause me to teeter on the edge of panic.

At some point.

But not today. :)

Today I just want to think about the upside of all of this.

I'll share more soon. :)